


hell or highwater

by heelsandarrows



Series: hell or highwater [11]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Mentions/Allusions to Domestic Abuse, New Parents, Postpartum Depression, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heelsandarrows/pseuds/heelsandarrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i said i'd love you forever, come hell or highwater</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The routine was all too familiar. It felt like the 20th time she’d done it, maybe just maybe it would turn out different this time. One more minute. Priyanka paced around the bathroom wringing her hands. The minute passed. Anxiety rang through her, she was scared to look. Another minute passed as she calmed down, she just had to do it. The doctor looked down at the pregnancy test. Negative. Again. Why should she of expected anything different?

There was a knock on the door. “Are you okay in there? What does it say?” She tossed the stick in the trash can, and wiped the tears starting at her eyes.

Priyanka opened the door, “I’m fine, it was negative again that’s all,” she said trying to come off nonchalant. She couldn’t even look at her husband. “So uh, dinner?” She walked off down the hall to the kitchen.

Doug watched his wife leave, and glanced back in to the bathroom, noticing the test in the trash. He headed over to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway. She was washing the dishes. “Priyanka,” he said softly.

“I’m just getting them clean for dinner,” she said voice cracking. 

He walked over to her, “They were already clean,” Doug grabbed a plate she was about to dunk in water.

“Well now they’ll be extra clean.” She shook slightly picking up a knife, scrubbing the blade. The water was slick. Her hands couldn’t grip anything. He was shaking. The knife slipped, slicing her thumb open. She swore withdrawing her hand, looking at the cut.

Priyanka sighed, shutting her eyes tightly, she wasn’t going to cry. “It’s okay, to not be okay,” Doug said softly reaching out to his wife. He took her bloodied hand, grabbed a cloth and applied pressure to the wound.

She opened her eyes tears spilling out, “Thank you,” she said softly. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Priyanka trying hard to maintain control of her emotions, while Doug addressed her wound. “I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop. You don’t need to apologize. This isn’t your fault-”

“It’s just…” She sniffles and sunk to the ground, back against the counter. “I’ve helped bring life in to this world. Yet I can’t. I can’t experience for myself. We’ve been trying for a year plus now, and nothing.” Her husband had sat down next to her, “I’m just afraid we’ll never have a family,” she concluded.

His heart was breaking, seeing his wife in pain like this. “We’re already a family,” he said wiping her tears away and brushing the hair out of her face.

Priyanka smiled faintly then looked away, “I know that… I just want-” she was silenced by a tender kiss.

“We just have to keep trying. It’ll happen one day. You just have to believe it.”

The doctor laughed softly and rolled her eyes, “That’s so, sappy. Not to mention complete bullshit. Believing won’t change anything.” It was so like him too, to be sappy like that, and she loved it.

As soon as she laughed, Doug smiled. He ignored his own tears brimming in his eyes. “It might help, you never know until you try. In addition to believing, we’ll go to the doctors. Find out the root of the problem. There’s always other ways too, like adoption. We’re going to be just fine.”

Priyanka rested her forehead against Doug’s and sighed happily. “Just fine,” she repeated, closing her eyes. She felt her stomach flutter, filling with familiar butterflies. That’s what she loved, the nervous butterflies she still got around her husband. He kissed the tip of her nose making her nose scrunch in the process. Doug smiled then kissed her.

“It’s a good thing you’re a doctor,” he said pulling away. “Because I think I’m love sick.”

The doctor blushed and laughed, shaking her head, “You’re ridiculous.” Her laugh was enchanting. Everything about her was. “Lucky for you, glasses guy, I think I know how to cure your illness,” she pulled him in for another kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t want to leave her. Especially in the condition she was in, yet he just couldn’t get off work. Doug woke up that morning, trying hard not to disturb his wife. Priyanka was sprawled out all over the bed, hair covering a good chunk of her face. She shifted her position slightly, and her snores got even louder. She was beautiful. 

There was something about the imperfections that were so easily visible in this moment that made him feel somehow even more in love. She wasn’t trying to be perfect like she did when she was awake, she was just being human. Doug tore his eyes away from his sleeping wife and he finished dressing. 

As the Monday went on he called regularly to check up on her. Over the past few days she was sure she got something from a patient who wouldn’t stop sneezing and touching her. Now she was sick in bed and he couldn’t be there to take care of her. 

Days passed, it didn’t take long for her to get better, then she was back to work. Sunday night came around, and he was exhausted. When his hand knocked over the floss sitting on the sink in to the trash, he blamed it on exhaustion. He looked in a drawer looking if they had anymore. He really wasn’t in the mood to go digging through the trash. 

Unfortunately there was none left. He couldn’t just leave it, Priyanka was very meticulous about flossing. Doug sighed and riffled through the trash looking for the floss. It was mostly just disposable cups, a few kleenex, he was thankful for that. 

Then he saw it. Clean tissues covered it, like someone was trying to cover up that it was there. After all, it was on the bottom of the trash can. Tuesday was trash day. So it had been there awhile. He grabbed the used pregnancy test, and two lines stood out to him. His heart fluttered. It was positive. 

He couldn’t stop staring at it. Then a knock came at the door. “Are you okay in there? You’ve been in there awfully long.” Doug opened the door, smiling widely. “What’s gotten into you?”

“When were you going to tell me?” He asked pulling her into a hug. 

Despite being confused, smiled at his excitement, “Tell you? Tell you what?” 

“That you’re pregnant!” He said excitedly letting go of her and grabbing the test to show her. 

She flushed deeply, “I-I wanted to wait for the perfect time. I couldn’t think of how to tell you. I wanted it to be special, I’m sorry,” she said feeling guilty. “I should’ve told you right away.”

He laughed, “Don’t be sorry… Sure it would’ve been nice to know sooner, but what matters is that it happened! I told you to just keep believing.”

“You’re right, it definitely wasn’t the help of the medical treatment,” she said laughing. 

Doug smiled and intertwined their fingers, pulling her in for a kiss. Her forehead rested on his. He stared into her eyes, getting lost once again. Their smiles were contagious. One’s smile would get bigger, then so would the other’s. He rested his hand on her abdomen, “We’re going to have a baby,” he said with disbelief. 

She felt her stomach turn when he touched her, she smiled and nodded. “A family,” she repeated. It was happening. Some of it seemed so fake, but her husband’s reactions just reminded her of how real it was. She could feel herself tearing up, but she didn’t care. 

Another few days passed. She had spent the day earlier trying to ignore her small cramps, and was mostly successful. It wasn’t until that night she had realized something was wrong. She wanted to ignore it, hoped it went away. It never did. She woke up, glanced at the clock, 3am. 

Then she felt it. She slowly removed the covers and turned on the bedside lamp. There was the blood. She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t she wanted to cry but she couldn’t. She felt paralyzed. Her husband stirred next to her, the light waking him up. 

“You okay?” He asked sitting up and grabbing his glasses. He saw the expression on her face, then noticed the blood on her hand and on the sheets. Panic surged through him. He looked back up at his wife, she was unresponsive. This was no time for him to freak out, he needed to be strong, for her. He got out of bed and went to her side, “Come on…” He said tenderly, coaxing her up out of bed. He took her too the shower to clean off. 

Priyanka still hadn’t said a word, she was shaking, the water ran over her. She still felt paralyzed. Her husband had tried to reassure her that everything was going to be fine. She just knew it wasn’t the case, she could feel it. It was too good too be true. The doctor hadn’t even realized that she was in the car, or that they were almost at the hospital. 

She was just numb.

The rest of the events seemed to be a blur. She remembers talking, but she couldn’t remember what she said. She agreed to a test she had no idea what it was about. She didn’t remember the test. She remembered her husband sitting by her side the whole time. The long waiting between the test and to see what the doctor had to say. 

Everything was white noise. “Well you didn’t miscarry.” Those words got to her ears.

“What?” She said bewildered unsure if she heard right. Doug had squeezed her hand. 

“It was a threatened miscarriage. The bleeding has stopped and you’re fine. Bleeding in pregnancy is common-” She stopped listening there. Relief had spread over her. She looked up at the ceiling, and tears formed in her eyes. 

The doctor had left and she was left alone with her husband. Doug squeezed her hand again. “We’re going to be just fine,” he reassured her. He knew it. Their child was special, and everything was going to end up just fine. He could feel it.


	3. Chapter 3

She knew what the next ultrasound would include, finding out the sex of the baby. Priyanka just figured her husband knew that it was coming up. They never talked about it, in hindsight they probably should’ve, then they would’ve been more prepared. It was a routine she was slowly getting used to, having an ultrasound. She watched the screen carefully, not being able to suppress a smile. 

Her doctor looked over at her and her husband. “Well, would you like to know the sex?”

Her quick ‘no’ had clashed with Doug’s ‘yes’. They exchanged looks, then both their answers changed. Still no decision. They stared at each other, until their doctor spoke again. "Here's what I'll do. I'll write it down, stick it in an envelope, then when you're ready you can look and read it." 

The couple agreed, Priyanka placed the envelope in her purse, and that was it. They finished the appointment and headed back home. 

Days passed, and the envelope still hadn't been touched. Come to think of it, she hardly thought about it until her husband brought it up again. "I want to know. I-I'm sorry... I know you don't, but I feel like I need to know." Priyanka stared up at her husband who just entered the bedroom. She was confused at first but then understood.

"You don't have to apologize..." She said smiling over at him. "You think I don't want to know? I'm dying to know... I'm just scared." Her head lowered. 

Doug made his way to the bed and sat down. "Scared? About what?" 

"It's just- there's been so many bumps in the road I'm afraid that something else will go wrong. I don't know..."

"If something was wrong, then the doctor would've told us, okay? Everything is going to be fine." He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the side of her head. 

"I know... There's just that fear." She shook her head. "I'm being irrational. Let's find out. It'll probably be the best thing for us right now." She reached over on her nightstand and grabbed her purse. She dug around for a few seconds before dumping the contents out on the bed. "It's not here."

"What? It couldn't have just left," he browsed through the contents. "Are you sure you put it in your purse? Could you have moved it?" 

"Oh! Yes... I moved it... I put it somewhere else, but I can't remember where..." She felt stupid for not being able to remember where she put the envelope. She felt stupid for moving it in the first place. Priyanka thought carefully about her usual hiding spots for important things, rattling them off. 

Doug got off the bed, "Then we'll just have to go looking for it." He managed to convince his wife just to stay in the bedroom and search while he took the rest of their home. He didn't want her moving too much after all. He searched around in various nooks and crannies, checking draws and places she told him to look, but nothing. 

When he got back to their room, there wasn’t any luck from her end either. Priyanka had sat back down on the bed, she could feel tears starting in her eyes. “I’m sorry… I messed it all up, I just shouldn’t have moved it,” Tears started to fall, he husband rushed over to her side to comfort her. It wasn’t that big of a deal after all. “If I had just kept it in my purse, and didn’t put it under the mattress then we would know where it was and I-”

“Wait a minute,” he interrupted her. “Did you just say it was under the mattress?”

Her head shot up, “Yes! That’s where… I forgot… I can’t believe I forgot…” She trailed off, feeling slightly better at least knowing where it was. 

“I’ve got it,” Doug came up from the side of the bed holding the envelope. Thankfully it was only under the corner of the mattress, easy enough to grab without having to take the whole mattress off. He climbed up on the bed next to her and stared at it. He trembled slightly, as he began to open it. Doug froze halfway in then looked over at his wife. “What do you hope it is?” he asked suddenly. 

Priyanka wasn’t expecting the question. In reality, she hadn’t thought long and hard what she would want more. She wasn’t even sure she had a preference. She was just grateful to be having a child. “I-I don’t know. I don’t really care, I guess… What do-”

“I hope it’s a girl,” he said cutting her off, answering her question.

“Why?”

Doug looked down at the paper in his hands and shrugged slightly, “I dunno really. I just- It feels right. I mean, I’ll be thrilled if it’s a boy too. But a girl, right now, just seems right… I can’t explain it.”

The doctor nodded, starting to tear up again, “Well… open it up. Let’s see what it is.” She said attempting to get him to move on. She watched her husband’s move carefully, this seemed like such a big deal after all. When he turned the slip of paper around, she tried to hide her initial reaction, then looked up at her husband’s to see his. He was completely blank. 

Priyanka looked back down at the paper, trying to make it out. “Well…” She looked back up to Doug as for a clue to what the paper read. “I have no idea what this says.” He looked at her expectantly.

“What?”

“Well, what does it say?”

“Why would I know?”

“You’re the doctor here! This is how you write sometimes, surely, you know what it says…”

“I-I,” Priyanka looked back down at the slip of paper, trying to make out the squiggles. There was almost a paragraph written. Why there needed to be a paragraph she didn’t know. She could make out a few words but that was about it. “Doug, I can’t read my own handwriting half the time.” She admitted looking up at him. “I mean, I see the words; you, congratulations, baby, time, names, and possibly the word tomato…”

“That’s it? So we still don’t know?” 

“I suppose not…I mean, we could call and ask?” That they did. Doug called right away, they waited for over an hour until their doctor had been free. They could only hope he remembered. It had only been a week ago. 

Doug held his breath as the man struggled to remember. Then it came, “Hm? I remember now, it’s a girl.”

“A girl? You’re sure?” Priyanka said to confirm.

“Yep, positive.” She thanked him and they exchanged goodbyes. Priyanka looked over at her husband and smiled. 

He found it hard to be able to control his excitement. “A baby girl,” he said softly, smiling. 

A weight felt like it had been lifted from her. Priyanka laid back on the bed, feeling better. Like it was easier to breath. The stress of not knowing was gone. Everything was good. She felt her husband climb on top of her. His fingers trailed down to her belly, and pushed her shirt up slightly. He placed a kiss on her stomach. She felt butterflies dance around inside her at the feeling. Then he moved his head up, and captured her lips with his. Everything was falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y eS this is kinda a little bit based off of that sub plot in parks and rec.


	4. Chapter 4

Things were going smoothly. They were perfect. Almost too perfect, but she tried not to think of that. Her 7th month began, she was almost done, she just had to get to 40 weeks. Priyanka was tired all the time, had to go to the bathroom more often that she liked, but she knew that in the end it would be worth it. Of course, it was getting old fast, she just couldn’t wait until she would give birth.

In the time since learning their baby’s gender, the Maheswarans started on the nursery. She wasn’t a huge fan of the stereotypical pink, they tried to stay clear of that. However, her husband would accent various things with pink. He claimed that the pink and rose color was going to be important in their child’s life. Priyanka didn’t understand it, not that he really did, but she let him do as he pleased. 

The two of them poured over books of names, never deciding on one. They couldn’t choose to go traditional, to name her after someone, or to go more western. It’d been the center of much talk in the household. When others came to visit they would try and give their opinion. They just couldn’t settle on one. 

Soon enough came time for her Valaikappu. Her parents had visited for the event, and things were going just fine. That was until the week after the function. There was a heightened stress in the air all around as her husband worked. He hadn’t gotten to bed at a decent time in 4 days, living off coffee and very little sleep. She felt stressed cleaning and preparing. She knew she needed to relax, but there was so much to be done. She couldn’t just sit around anymore. 

Priyanka tried not to think and dwell on two of her bangles breaking either. It was a bad omen, but that was all talk, right? She began to ache more and more, just wanting to lay down and not do anything anymore. She probably should’ve been paying more attention to the signs, and the change in discharge. If she had, maybe things could’ve gone different. 

Week 36th was here. “Doug?” Her husband turned around in his chair to look at her.

“Yeah?”

“We, need to go to the hospital. My water just broke.”

There was a slight panic in her words, evoking a similar panicked response from her husband. He tried to remain calm however, he was aware it was earlier than was the normal, but he decided not to think of that. Just to get to the hospital safely. 

They got in the car, she wasn’t having contractions yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. She was scared. Things were going to be fine, this happens to people all the time. Just because she was going into preterm labor, didn’t mean it would go into a preterm birth. The doctor would just check her out, and her child was probably fine and the birth would be delayed. It was something that happened.

However she couldn’t get that nagging fear out of the back of her mind that something was wrong. Maybe it was the superstitions getting to her, she really didn’t know. She listened to her husband ramble on, however she wasn’t listening. She just stared out the window to of the car and tried to focus on something else. There was a pain that shot up her back side, but she tried to ignore it. 

Everything was in a blur. She hardly remembered getting to the hospital and checking in, and getting put in a room. This feeling was familiar. It was the same type of feeling she had gotten when she bleed the beginning of her pregnancy. Things had worked out fine there, so things would work out fine here too, right? 

Then she heard it, they were going to induce labor. Something was wrong. She didn’t know what. She wasn’t listening. She didn’t want to listen anymore. She wanted to withdraw herself forever, and just leave. She knew she couldn’t. The only thing keeping her focused was her husband. Doug who was right there by her side, holding her hand. 

The contractions had started. It was comforting almost, now that the pain had started. She no longer felt nothing or numb, but she felt something. It took several hours to be able to get to the right point where she was dilated enough. A few tears rolled down her face as she pushed when the doctor had told her to. It felt like it was forever. It was really only an hour or so. 

There were encouraging sounds from her doctor as she made one last effort. It was silent for a moment. She began to panic, why wasn’t her baby crying? It was never a good sign if a baby wasn’t crying. Then she heard it. The cry of her daughter. A wave of relief spread over her and she wiped at her eyes, tiredly. 

A few minutes later the nurse had come over, carrying the small baby in her arms. It was handed to Priyanka and she looked down at the baby. She was dark, her eyes large with wonder and very small. She looked up at her husband and smiled. They had done it. She couldn’t help but laugh softly.   
“She’s has your nose,” Priyanka said looking back down at her daughter. She could already tell that their child would also inherit her father’s thick hair. She leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. She didn’t think there’d ever be a time where she could forget this moment. It was a new chapter she was excited to read. Some of the favorite chapters in her life had been the reason of her daughter.

Priyanka stared at the baby, shifting the weight in her arms carefully. “Kahaani,” she said softly. She looked up at her husband for approval. 

“Kahaani,” he repeated nodding and looking down at their daughter. It was the perfect name for the perfect child. She began to hand him the child, he reluctantly accepted.

“You’re not going to hurt her,” his wife said as if reading his mind. 

“Right…” He looked down at his daughter and smiled. He still had a fear that he was going to, but tried not to think about it. Instead he just spoke softly to the child. Explaining everything as if she was going to understand right away. 

Priyanka looked up at her husband. It was such a natural sight. Her heart fluttered. They made it. They were a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't like... lived any of this ever in my life... i tried to do as much research as i could but if i got something wrong please tell me, thanks??


	5. Chapter 5

Things were good the first few days, they'd been better than good even. She'd had everything she'd ever wanted, yet she still felt like something was wrong. That she was missing something. There had been so many complications, how could things be doing this good? 

Her parents stayed for a week after Kahaani’s birth to help out, but now they were gone. She felt somewhat empty inside afterwards. Priyanka felt like she was constantly holding her breath just waiting for something else to go wrong. She preoccupied herself with cleaning up constantly. Washing dishes constantly, scrubbing the floor. She disappeared in the work.

She tried to avoid taking care of Kahaani as much as she could. Afraid something would happen. She couldn’t sleep properly, and was burdened with excessive fatigue. She felt bad at the lack of help she was giving Doug and the baby, but she couldn’t get herself to properly make an effort to help. 

Priyanka turned the shower on high, letting the steam fill the room. It took her an extra 5 minutes to get in the shower. Even the water felt heavy. She dropped to the floor of the shower, and just let the water rush over her. Then she started to cry. It was a normal occurrence these days, crying excessively. Somedays it was all she could do before breaking down in front of her husband. 

The knock on the door and Doug calling out to her didn’t sway her from her position. She could feel him fumbling with the lock, she wanted to protest but didn’t have the energy to. The shower curtain drew open and he shut the water off. 

Priyanka didn’t want to look up, she didn’t want to face him not like this. “Come on,” he said soothingly extending his hand to her. Tentatively she grabbed it and allowed herself to get pulled up by him. He grabbed a towel and handed it to her. Priyanka dried herself off and wrapped the towel around her securely. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head and shrugged, “Nothing… I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. You haven’t been acting like yourself the past week. I’m worried about you. Ever since your parents left and Kahaani was born you’ve been acting differently.”

Priyanka shook her head, “I don’t know… I just, I’m not good at this... “ 

“Good at what? Being a parent? Is that what you’re going to say?” He shook his head. “You haven’t had the chance to try yet. You’ve just been running away from it. If you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s fine. Do you think I know what I’m doing? This is new to me too.”

Priyanka bit her lower lip and shook her head, “No… It’s different, you’re good at this. She likes you more. She cries when I hold her. I just, I’m so afraid, I’m going to do something and mess up majorly.”

“Pri, you can’t live your life on fear like this, and how do you know you’re not going to be a good mother until you really try. She doesn’t like me better. If she cries when you hold her, it has nothing to do with you. It’s because she’s just crying, she’s hungry, tired, or just wants to cry. Babies cry, it’s what they do.” He pulled her into a hug and kissed the side of her head. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

She buried her head into his shoulder, tears beginning to fall again. She felt selfish, “I’m sorry…” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to get this way. It just happened. I’m sorry.” She didn’t feel any better from this, only worse. But apologizing helped a little, it made her more aware of her actions. 

Doug sighed and hugged her tighter, “It’s fine… We’re just both still learning, that’s all. I can’t do this on my own I need you.” He kissed the top of her wet hair and pulled back. “Come on, let’s get you dressed.” 

She still felt weak, but agreed and got herself dressed. Just comfy pajamas would be good enough. Doug came back a moment later as she was fully dressed. He kissed her forehead, “Are you doing better now?” She gave him a small smile and a nod. 

A fussing and cry broke the silence. Kahaani had awoken again. She sighed and looked over at her husband, who egged her on. Priyanka headed over to where Kahaani had lay peacefully before and took her out. 

Anxiety spiked through her as she held her, but it quickly subsided after a few moments. It was only a few minutes before Kahaani had quieted down again. Priyanka looked down at her daughter and found herself starting to cry again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She sat down on the bed, as Kahaani’s eyes fluttered open. How she could go from crying to sleeping to being wide awake all within 5 minutes was beyond her. 

Doug sat down next to them, and looked over at his wife. He wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed her temple. There’d been so many bumps in the road to get where they were but everything was going to be fine. He knew it. His wife was strong, their daughter would be just as strong.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. i wrote this for tumblr and was convinced to post it here to so. y ea h.... its short... and sorry im like shoving it here. but ye ah........

“You are good at this, you know. All it took was time.” 

“I-I know… I am feeling better now. Well lately. Better than before at least.”

“Good,” Doug smiled at his wife. 

Priyanka tore her eyes from him and looked down, suppressing a smile, and trying not to blush. She hated that even a smile at certain times had the opportunity to make her melt. Her gaze flitted instead to the five week old between them. 

Kahaani squirmed around slightly, large eyes taking in everything they could. Priyanka smiled at her daughter. She took her finger and lightly swirled it around the infant’s tummy. The child squirmed some more then reached out and grabbed ahold of her mother's finger. The five week old wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon. Priyanka laughed softly as Kahaani wiggled around on the bed. 

Then she felt a pair of lips hit her forehead. She continued to keep her head down however, not wanting to look up at him and expose how red she was in the face. Instead she just shifted slightly, changed the way she was propping herself up with her arm. “I don't think I've ever been in love with you more than I have in this moment,” Doug spoke up. 

She looked up at him and shook her head smiling, “You’re ridiculous.”

“I mean it! And I'm sure if you can see what I can you'd agree! I-I don't know. I guess I can't truly explain it right now. But it's true.”

Priyanka rolled her eyes, not even caring about blushing anymore. “You're so sappy.” She leaned in and kissed him. 

There’s was a small shriek which seemed to come from Kahaani that split them apart with in a moment. The parents looked down at their child who held her foot with both hands and looked up at the two above her. A wide smile spread across the five week old’s face. 

“She's smiling at you,” Doug muttered, trying to contain his own smile. 

“Me? Nah, she's totally making direct eye contact with you.” Deep down they both knew they were both wrong and right. It wasn't for one or the other but the both of them. Their daughter's first smile had been for the both of them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one has more adult themes but????? Ye ah.

"She's starting to doze off," Doug commented looking over at the infant in his arms. Kahaani seemed to be putting up a fight to stay awake. The four month old fussed slightly and gave a yawn. 

"Good, set her down to nap, would you?" 

Doug followed his wife's orders and headed to the nursery, placing her in her crib, and turned on the white noise. It wasn't long after that until she'd fallen asleep. Doug urged the baby monitors on then made his way to carefully shut the door behind him. It'd taken the child far too long to get sleepy enough to put her to bed properly, he didn't want to risk waking her. 

Priyanka was in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess from lunch and breakfast that they hadn't gotten to yet. He walked up behind her, and slipped his arms around her waist. "She's asleep," he told her, trying to suppress his yawn at the same time.

"Thank God," she sighed and leaned back into him. They stood in silence for a moment, the mess on the counter forgotten. She just wanted to enjoy the quiet. Her eyes closed and she could feel herself starting to drift off. The sensation of Doug kissing her neck quickly brought her back however. Then her eyes focused back on the mess at hand. "You going to help me clean up?" She asked pulling away from his embrace to get back to work. 

"Of course," he didn't want to clean, nor did he feel like it, but he couldn't just say no. Or that would've been the end of him. Doug reached down to open the cabinet under the sink, forgetting all about the baby proofed lock. He silently groaned, it wasn't that he didn't know how to unlock it, but that he could never do it right to get it to open. "Hey, Pri... You wanna open this for me?"

Priyanka gave a small smirk as she leaned down and opened up the cabinet. She grabbed a spray bottle full of cleaning solution and handed it to him. 

"Thanks." He sprayed down the section she had cleared and went to work. His attention to cleaning didn't last long, he quickly became distracted. "You know, Kahaani is sleeping... We could always finish cleaning later..." 

"I suppose you already have something in mind then?" Priyanka turned around to look at her husband and raised an eyebrow. 

Doug set down the rag in his hand and moved closer to her. "Oh just a few ideas," he wrapped his arms around her waist again.

“Well, the sooner we finish cleaning then the more time we have to do whatever we like.” He dismissed her hint at wanting to clean up, and kissed her instead. She didn't object, she could feel herself melting in his arms as they kissed. Even after years of being together she still felt the same nervousness and infatuation she got when they first were together. 

It’d been too long since they had time just to be by themselves like this. It was nice. The mess from the day slipped from her mind as he hoisted her on to the counter. Priyanka leaned forward, into the kiss, her hair spilling down the side of her face. 

Doug’s hands rested on her hips, slowly gathering up the hem of her shirt to pull off. Before he knew it the shirt had been discarded, he kissed her neck, sucking slightly. The soft moan that she emitted acted as a confirmation for him. He pulled her from the counter then carried her over to the bedroom. 

They hadn't had the chance to become intimate since Kahaani’s birth. Each time they’d become interrupted by something, or were too tired. He laid her on the bed, then took off his own shirt. Priyanka had forgotten how tired she was until she hit the bed. She stifled a yawn, she wasn't going to let her exhaustion get the best of her. 

Then his lips made contact with her skin again. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip as he trailed kisses from her jaw to her stomach. Since closing her eyes she realized just how difficult it was going to be to open them again. He undid her pants, and pulled them off. She could start to feel her self dozing off. She worked on trying to open her eyes again, but it felt like there were weights on them. 

It might’ve been the atmosphere of being in the bedroom, or his sleepiness catching up to him, but he felt he could slip into a coma and sleep forever. He focused on the task at hand however and kissed the strech marks on her stomach. He knew she wasn’t too fond of them, but he liked them. They served as a reminder to him, they added character, they were beautiful. 

He tossed his pants aside and she reluctantly sat up, grabbed the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down. She probably could’ve done so in a less clumsy way, but she found it a hard time keeping her eyes open long enough to. 

Doug reached around and fumbled slightly trying to take her bra off. Her head rested on his shoulder, it was the only thing keeping her up anymore. After a few more tries than he’d of like it to be, he was able to get her bra off. It was a lot harder than it seemed when you couldn't think properly and your eyes kept closing. 

She laid back down on the bed, giving a hum of pleasure, more so from laying down again than anything else. As he removed her last article of clothing she yawned, causing him to yawn as well. “I can’t do this.” He admitted falling back on the bed next to her. “I’m too tired.” 

She gave a sigh of relief, “Thank God… I’m sorry, I want to- I just, I need to sleep.” 

“No… It’s okay… I understand. Just, sleep for now.” He sighed and closed his eyes. She moved over and wrapped her arms around him, as he tossed a blanket over the two of them. It took no time at all for them to actually fall asleep. 

It was nice, there would be other times, just not today. Today was for sleep. Until the baby monitor woke them up 40 minutes later. Time to go back to work. But she wouldn't have it any other way.


	8. Chapter 8

Saturday morning, nothing new. Things were starting to be more routine now. At 13 months old, Kahaani was very active. It was around noon, the living space littered with various toys and plushes, a now normal sight in the Maheswaran household. Ambient music filled the room, interrupted by a giggle and babble from the child. 

Priyanka held on to her daughter’s small hands as she stood up, and moved her legs in a small attempt to walk around. She let go for a moment and Kahaani took two steps forward before falling down again. A laugh emitted from the two of them. She watched carefully as Kahaani used the side of the table to try and stand up again. She was able to get up on her own and held on to the side of the table moving around. Priyanka watched with delight as Kahaani explored on her own. Kahaani’s tiny hands reached up on the table, grabbing at whatever she could find. Before Priyanka could stop it Kahaani had pulled a stack of magazines down, knocked over the fake flowers on the table, and got a coaster in her mouth.

“Alright, that’s enough,” she said laughing softly and picked up her daughter. She took the coaster she was chewing on and handed her the pacifier. She picked up the magazines and flowers then sat back down on the couch, with Kahaani on her lap. She was rambunctious after her nap, and couldn’t sit still. Kahaani crawled up and stood up on her mother’s lap. Priyanka held her steady as Kahaani looked intently at her. Her hands rested on her mother’s face, then fingers poked her in the eye. Priyanka flinched at the contact, shutting her eyes tightly. Opening them again she saw the grin on her daughter’s face. 

Mindless babble came from the 1 year old. They were getting there, but Kahaani’s first word had yet to come. “Can you say Ammi?” She asked with a smile, repeating the word, hoping to get her to follow suit. Sometimes she was sure she could hear something come from the babble but it was never definitive enough for her liking. 

Kahaani rested her hands on Priyanka’s cheeks. She couldn’t help but smile. Priyanka leaned in and kissed her daughter’s nose. The pacifier fell out of her mouth as she laughed. Kahaani’s mouth opened widely and her fingers trailed and tried to pry open her mother’s mouth. Before she could succeed, Priyanka picked Kahaani up and set her down. “Okay, that’s enough from you.”

Then she heard the door open and shut, “I’m home,” Doug’s voice called out. 

Priyanka gasped looking at Kahaani, who responded to her excitement. “Guess who’s home!” Kahaani babbled excitedly. She placed Kahaani on her hip and headed to the kitchen where her husband had been unloading groceries. 

“There they are,” Doug said happily turning around as they entered. He kissed the two of them then Priyanka placed Kahaani in her high chair. 

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” she commented leaving Kahaani fussed slightly as she was placed down, but given a small toy she seemed to occupy herself well enough. 

“The store was busy. Not to mention traffic,” he said shelving the soup. 

“Nothing to do with the falling snow?” She teased. 

“You know there’s nothing wrong with being on the safer side, especially during winter weather.” 

“Uh huh....” She said laughing softly. Priyanka grabbed a pot and filled it with water to boil.

“Making Mac and Cheese again?”

Priyanka smiled, “Well it’s a favorite.” 

He shook his head and laughed. He took out the eggs from the top of the bag and laid them on the counter. It was too late before he saw them less than halfway on the counter and starting to fall. The carton of eggs his the ground and got everywhere. “Shit!” He said bending down to clean up the mess. 

Priyanka was about to scold him for not being more careful, but then she heard it. “Shit!” She hoped she was hearing things, however it sounded so clearly. A giggle came afterwards. Priyanka wheeled around to face her daughter who was preoccupied with the toy. There had been no doubt it came from her however. 

As soon as he heard it, Doug’s head shot up, and he slammed his head on the bottom of the drawer that had been open. He swore again. Followed by another swear from Kahaani. “Doug,” she hissed, whacking his arm. “Look what you’ve done!”

He had been laughing as it happened, it didn’t make her feel any better. “I’m sorry… How was I to know she’d repeated it.”

“I will not have my daughter’s first word be _shit_. No more swearing. None. At all.”

“Okay, I promise, I mean you better watch yourself too…” 

“Myself? I can control myself from-”

“Oh you can? It sure didn’t seem that way last night,” He shut his eyes and put on a voice to mock hers, _“Ooh, Doug, f-”_ She smacked him in the arm again before he could continue. 

Her face went bright red, “That’s enough out of you. Just no more.” She headed over to Kahaani and flinched slightly when she got close enough. Priyanka lifted her out of the high chair and went over and handed her to Doug. “You said the word, so you can change her while I get lunch ready.”

He took Kahaani from her and sighed slightly. The child was already reaching up to grab at his glasses. “Sounds fair enough to me.”

Doug exited the kitchen and she went back to cooking. They were definitely going to practice saying other words later. She wasn’t going to accept her daughter’s first word to be so vulgar. She just wasn’t. That didn’t count. Even though she said it twice, it didn’t count. She’d just use the next word. 

She heard a sound which sounded like the trash can tipping over and the many other various things. It was a sound familiar to her, Kahaani got a kick out of knocking things over. “Fuck!” She heard yelled by Doug followed by a loud giggle. Priyanka rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed, hoping _that_ wasn't Kahaani’s second word.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe i wrote this. i thought i was only going to have this be a one time thing but my friend and i were talking about it and they gave me basically all the ideas that went in to this chapter. warning. there's some language ahead.

A few weeks passed since Kahaani said her first word. She’d managed to learn a few more including food, play, baba, even daddy. Not yet Ammi, or mommy, or anything like that. Her favorite word so far has turned out to be ‘fuck’. Uttered almost three times a day.

She was a fast learner, but a selective learner at that. The scolding she would get from her mother didn't seem to have any affect on her when she sweared. The laugh that would come out each time from Doug is what she learned, thinking it was okay to say it. 

Doug had gotten such a kick out of it the first time, it was hard to resist having her not swear again. The reaction from Priyanka was priceless. She tried to drill Kahaani not to say it, she probably would’ve stopped too if it hadn't been for him. 

Out of earshot from his wife, he spent time playing with his daughter and continually got her to repeat his words. He figured she understood him pretty well. It was almost like training a dog. He pulled at his ear and if she noticed, she’d swear. 

It started out as just a casual thing, at the dinner table he’d tug at his ear and she’d swear. Random moments around the house just to annoy his wife. It didn't take long for her to just say it on her own whenever she wanted. Mostly when she was excited.

All she needed were eggs, a gallon of milk, a few vegetables. She could be in and out in 5 minutes. However, having Kahaani along was going to extend the trip. Her destructive nature made it difficult to take her out half the time. As soon as she let go of the cart to grab a can of soup, she’d manage to reach over and knock over a few boxes of uncooked spaghetti. 

Kahaani banged the plastic part of her pacifier against the cart’s handle, squirming around in her spot. They walked around, passing an end display of small stuffed toys. She looked over at them and reached out, whining to her mother.

Priyanka shook her head, “No, Kahaani.”

Kahaani fussed even more, she didn't breakout crying, which was a relief. She let go of the cart one moment, turning to pick up a cucumber and bag it. Turning around she saw Kahaani leaning over the side, hands reaching to the apples. In a split second it happened, her hand grazed a loose one, and three apples tumbled to the ground. There was glee all over her face as she laughed and clapped her hands. 

She was already embarrassed at the situation. It was Sunday, the store was busy. She didn't want people thinking she couldn't control her and think she's a bad mother. “Fuck!” She squealed kicking her legs out. 

Priyanka wanted to curl up and stop existing there, her face turned red bad she swore she heard a few gasps possibly some laughter. She bent down to pick up the mess her daughter made, then tried to make her way out if the store as fast as she could.

When she got home that night and told the story of what happened, he started to laugh. “It’s not funny, it’s becoming a big problem! She has a potty mouth before she’s even been potty trained! It's not acceptable. I don't know where she’s getting it from. I haven't said it, and you haven't said it since that first time, right?”

Doug shrugged and scratched the back of his neck, “Eh… Maybe once or twice… I think it’s funny, it's not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal! It’s not okay, Doug. We can't encourage this behavior, it has to stop. Yesterday I took her to the library for story time and she kept saying the f-word. I had to leave, and now I don't want to show my face there again because of how she acted.”

He sighed and crossed his arms, “Alright, no more. I won’t laugh anymore,” nor was he going to encourage Kahaani anymore. In hindsight it wasn't the best thing to teach her, but he couldn't resist it. 

The next few days it dwindled more. Not reacting to it seemed to be working, she just needed to keep a straight face, not get angry or laugh. Kahaani didn't seem to appreciate the lack of attention. She’d work to get her mother to look at her, then would giggle, open, her mouth and drop the f-bomb again. 

The real test came the next week when Priyanka needed to go shopping again. Kahaani sat in the cart and tried to reach out to some of the thing on the shelf. Whenever the doctor gave her a toy, she’d just get it thrown back at her. Priyanka shook her head, “No touch,” she warned her daughter. Being shot down again made her more fussy. 

Kahaani tugged on her mother’s sleeve to get her attention. When Priyanka turned to her daughter, she broke into a grin and started giggling. She opened her mouth waiting for her mother's reaction. At this moment, Priyanka knew exactly what was about to happen. She shook her head, warning her, "Careful..." She could feel herself shrinking up, if Kahaani were to say it again. She didn't want to be known as the mother who's child said nothing but fuck. 

Priyanka pressed a finger to her lips in an attempt to remind Kahaani to be quiet. The child shook her head then squirmed around in the cart some more, reaching over to the stuffed animal display. She started babbling but the incoherent sounds became more F sounding. 

 

Priyanka looked over and took the one Kahaani reached to the most, a pink lion. She handed it to her daughter who was ecstatic, she drop the letter immediately and giggled hugging the stuffed animal. Kahaani mimicked her mother's shushing finger. Then she opened her mouth to speak again, this time coming out with a good 'Ah' sound.

Maybe this was going to be it when finally Kahaani says Ammi, "Can you say Ammi?" She said leaning forward to come closer to Kahaani's face. She repeated it again and in this short time. Kahaani tried, then took her finger and placed it on her mother's mouth. Priyanka sighed, Kahaani giggled then tried to stick her fingers in her the doctor's mouth. 

Priyanka smiled then pulled away from the child who went back to inspecting her new toy. She tried to ignore the fact that her daughter threatened to swear to get the animal, at least she didn't swear. That's what mattered. She just wanted it to stop.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK!!!!! IMPORTANT!!!!! there is mentions/allusions/talk abt domestic abuse so pls be careful my friends!!!

Priyanka had just gotten Kahaani to sleep to be on track for her regular sleep schedule. It was quiet again, which was nice. The living room was messy but she really didn't want to clean it up right now. Instead she sat down on the couch and turned on the news at a low volume. The door to their bedroom opened and Doug stifled a yawn, while putting on his jacket “Are you going out? I thought maybe we could watch a movie tonight.”

“I have to work tonight. I told you this. That's why I napped.”

“Oh, right, of course.” She tried thinking of when he told her this, but gave up remembering that there were many things she would forget lately.

“Sorry,” he apologized heading over to her. “I wish I could stay, a movie sounds great.”

She waved off his apology, “It's fine. Maybe another day soon then.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he kisses the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” The door shut and it was quiet. She sat watching tv and sighed, the quiet was nice, but what wasn't nice was sitting alone in the house. Priyanka was bored. She could easily just go to sleep, and although more sleep is nice, it would just start the next day. Continue the cycle of work, taking care of Kahaani, and then sleep again. Besides it wasn't even 8, still too early to sleep. 

She finally got up and cleaned the stray toys in the living room. She sat back down on the couch. She needed a hobby, it was only eight. Priyanka picked up the phone and called her mother, it took a few rings before someone picked up. “Amma? It's Priyanka.” Her mother seemed distracted by something, as she explained thoroughly how she knew it was her because they just got Caller ID.

Priyanka was expecting to be able to have a nice long conversation, but it didn't go as planned. The story of her day and how she was bored was interrupted “Is there something you need?” 

“Something I need? N-no, I just thought we could talk.”

“Can you call in an hour?”

“An hour? Amma what-”

“My show is coming on in a few minutes and I’m waiting for your brother to call.”

Priyanka smiled then shook her head. “Alright, I suppose I can call you later. Goodbye..” She hung up the phone. It was just like her mother. Despite having the technology to record a tv show so you didn't miss an episode, she still had to watch it as it aired. She didn't trust the recording, and before things didn't rerun often, if you missed one episode, you missed a lot. 

She looked back at the phone and sighed, she was still bored and it was still early. She dialed her sister’s number. The phone seemed to ring forever until finally someone picked up. “Pri, how’re you?” Her sister asked. 

She felt like she could her some kind of strain in her voice, but she wasn't sure what it was about. “I’m alright, just, looking for something to do I guess,” she said with a slight laugh. “Is everything going good over there?” She asked cautiously. 

“Looking for something to do? It's only 8 on a Friday. Go on a hot date with your husband, just have fun.”

“Anjali, I think you’ve forgotten about Kahaani. I can't just leave her alone at home. Besides, Doug’s at work tonight. Also you're evading my question. Are things going alright over there?”

“You could always hire a sitter.”

“Anjali,” there was a silence. “Are you free to talk?”

“No… I suppose you’re right, Kahaani might still be too young for a sitter.”

Priyanka sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Can you get in a place to talk?”

“Maybe, I mean, I’ll have to see. I can go look for it now though.” She heard movement from the other side, a door open and close. “Sorry, I just didn't want to take any chances.”

“Please leave,” Priyanka pleaded with her. “This isn't healthy. You would be so much better off if you left.”

“I’m fine, alright? Everything is under control. He's just not in a good mood tonight. He's a nice guy at heart. It's just a bad day.”

“It feels like everyday you have with him ends up being a bad day.”

“Did you call me just to argue with me more about this? Because I'm sick of it.”

“I’m sorry. I don't want to argue with you I just want you to be safe and happy.” 

“I am. How is Kahaani doing by the way? Has she stopped swearing yet?”

Priyanka accepted her sister's change in topic, only because she didn't want to end up making her feel upset, it case it hurt war ever was currently going on at her home. So she went along with the casual conversation, working on keeping her happy. 

It was nice to fall back into an easy conversation and forget everything that really was going on. Just to be with her best friend again like this was good. She got lost in the time as well. It had been over an hour that they talked. 

There was an unexpected beep in her ear. She looked at the phone and saw that it was Siraj. It was unexpected that he would ever call, so she felt like it was important. “Anjali? Listen I’ll call you tomorrow again alright? I’m getting a call from Siraj.” 

“Tell him I say hi. Thank you for calling, Didi. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she said then hung up. She missed Siraj’s call but proceeded to call him right back. “Is everything alright?”

“Huh? Yeah of course. I just thought I’d call, ya know see how my favorite sister is doing… How Kahaani is… I heard you were just doing nothing tonight so I figured I would call.”

“Who told you I was doing nothing tonight?”

“Amma.” Of course, she was thinking that when her mother said her brother would call she would be talking about Nadir or Aman, but not Siraj. “She told me you were being a bother, but of course that's expected from you. I don't know why she just decided to spew facts all of the sudden-”

“If you've called just to annoy me, you've done a pretty good job, and I’m hanging up now.”

“No wait! I’m sorry, look, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to be in your area tomorrow. Thought maybe I could stop by and visit for a bit.”

Priyanka blinked, ”Uh, I mean, of course you can… I just didn't think you would call ahead and ask. Why are you going to be here?”

“Uh- work stuff. You know, just the daily grind.”

“Don't you work in a repair garage? What do you need to come here for?”

There was a brief silence. “Parts… I have been sent to pick up some parts here, it's just an hours drive so it's not bad.”

She wasn't sure she believed him. But on the other hand she had no idea what else would bring him here or why he wouldn't need to lie about it. “Right, well I guess I will see you tomorrow then.” He hung up the phone without saying goodbye. It was now 9:14. It was after 9 and now seemed like an acceptable time to actually go to bed. 

She got ready for the night, crawled into bed and shut off the lights. Then the phone rang again. She groaned and picked it up fast, answering it without looking at the ID, she didn't want Kahaani to wake. “Hello?”

“Hi, I just thought I’d call and wish you a goodnight.” It was Doug. 

“How’d you know I was headed to bed just now?”

“Husband’s intuition? Also a lot of luck. Mostly luck though. Did you have a nice night at least?”

She yawned, “It was alright. Ended up just on the phone, talking.” 

“That’s good.” 

There was a silence. “I’m worried about Anjali.” 

“Did something happen tonight?”

“No not really. She claims she's fine, but I still worry.”

“I know you do… I’m sorry, I wish I could do something.”

“I know. I don't think there's something either of us could do at this point.” She sighed feeling wetness prick at her eyes. “Siraj is coming to visit tomorrow.” 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Priyanka laughed, “Good. I haven't seen him in awhile so it should be good.” More silence. Even though they weren’t talking, there was still comfort in knowing the other was there. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. At least you get to close your eyes and when you open them again I’ll be back. I just get to sit here.”

“Are you not doing anything really exciting tonight then?”

“Nope. It's all boring over here.”

Priyanka sighed and turned over on the bed, facing the empty spot next to her. “We need hobbies. Is there anything you can do to occupy your time? If you wanted I could come drop off a book or something.”

“Nah, you’re in bed. I've got sudoku here, I guess.” There was a beat. “So, what're you wearing?”

She rolled her eyes smiling, “I’m hanging up now.”

“Oh come on, I was joking,” she hear the smile in his voice. “Besides whatever it is, I am sure you look beautiful in it.”

She blushed and shook her head, “Don't do this.”

“Don't do what?”

She sighed, and propped herself up slightly more, and looked back over at his side of the bed. “Don’t lay these types of moves down on me when you're not here. It just makes me miss you more. We need to get better at planning our work hours. I feel like I never see you somedays.”

“We should go out soon. You know just a nice romantic night. It's been awhile.”

“Well there's not very many romantic things you can do with a one year old.”

“No, no Kahaani, just us.”

“Durja we can't just leave her alone at home-”

“Who said anything about leaving her alone? We can always hire a sitter.”

“I-I’m not so sure about that… There's so many things that could go wrong-”

“Just think about it. Sleep on it. And speaking of sleeping, I've kept you up long enough. Go to sleep.”

There was a long pause. “Is it weird if I'm too anxious to hang up?”

“Depends on the reason I guess. Why're you anxious?”

“I don't know. I just, if I hang up then you're not here anymore, I guess.”

There was a sigh, “I’m sorry. I wish I could be with you.” Another pause. “How about you just don’t hang up then? Just put the phone on speaker, and try and sleep. I’ll still be right there.”

“Alright then,” she followed his orders putting it on speaker and on the nightstand. 

“Goodnight, Pri. I love you.”

“I love you too.” There very small static sound coming from the phone was more comforting than she expected. As she really started to settle down did she realize how tired she really was. 

Doug looked at the clock, thirty minutes had passed since she had started to try and sleep. Then he heard it, the faint snoring of his wife. He smiled, and yawned. He thought about hanging up now, but didn't, not for another 15 minutes at least. Her snores were cute in the beginning, but just got worse and worse. It was enough of that for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About half way though writing this and thinking about everything I wanted to do, I realized it would be way too long for one chapter and I wouldn't get anything out in ages. So when I decided this would be its own chapter I just kinda went for it on everything esp at the end bc I love to ramble ok 
> 
> So I am sorry for my absence. The SU hiatus is awful bc i don't have the inspiration to write as much. And when I do write I start like new things and don't finish old things
> 
> But like I said this chapter is the first part to the.... well uh... next part I guess.....


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. i graduated high school and summer started except then i got a real job and also pokemon go came out so it was hard to write for me but i did write finally also i feel like my chapters are just getting longer and longer so they're taking so much longer to write ok that is all thank u all for sticking by me.
> 
> ALSO. sidebar. chapter 6 is a new installment as well. its short but i was convinced to post it lmao.

It was about five when there came a knock on the door. Priyanka looked over at her daughter who started grabbing towards the coasters on the coffee table. She picked her up, deciding she couldn’t be left alone for a minute while she answered the door.

Priyanka placed her on her hip and headed to the door. She hardly cracked open the door when whoever was out there pushed it open and stepped in. “Hey, Pri.” Her brother looked around the room and then his eyes settled back onto Kahaani. “There she is! I’ve got something for you,” he took off his backpack and dug around then took out a stuffed falcon. He waved it, making it’s wings flap in front of her. She appeared completely uninterested. 

“Siraj, you didn’t come visit just to see Kahaani did you?”

“Hm? Of course not…” He handed the bird to the child, who just threw it back at him. “I came to see you too. And Doug. Speaking of him, where is he?”

“Napping. He had a long night.”

Siraj couldn’t help but snicker, “It’s 5 and he’s still sleeping?”

“He worked late, alright? Besides he’s not been just sleeping all day, more like an hour long nap every other hour…” 

“Does he work again tonight? Do you?”

She shook her head, “No, it’ll be a nice day off for the both of us. Here, why don’t you hold Kahaani for a moment while I go wake him up.” As soon as Kahaani realize she was leaving her mother’s side and heading into her uncle’s arms she started whining. She grabbed a handful of her mother’s hair so she wouldn’t go. Priyanka flinched and looked back at her daughter, “No, Kahaani,” she warned. She managed to get herself free from her daughter’s steel grip and headed into the bedroom. 

Priyanka opened up the shades, the light slowly filling in. “Nap time is over-” then came a familiar sharp sound of Kahaani crying. 

Her husband sat up rubbing his eyes, “I take it Siraj is here then?”

Priyanka sighed, “Yes, I’ll go handle it, just come out soon.” She headed back out to her brother who was on the couch, working so hard at trying to calm the child down. “What happened?” 

Siraj shook his head, “I dunno, she just started crying.” He handed Kahaani back to his sister, despite how much he wanted to try and calm her down. 

It was almost as soon as she reached back to her mother did Kahaani calm down again. She shook her head and looked back over at her brother, “I’m sorry, she’s just cranky today.” The one year old squirmed in her arms, trying to break free. Priyanka sat down on the couch next to Siraj, setting Kahaani on her lap, who seemed alright with this arrangement. “So how’s work?”

“Uh, it's been fine I guess.”

“Did you pick up the parts today?” He looked confusedly at his sister. “You know, the reason you’re in the area,” she reminded him.

“Ohhh, yeah. Yeah, it was all taken care of.” Most of his attention had been on Kahaani. 

She couldn't help but sigh, “There weren’t any parts were there? You know you don't have to make up an excuse to come visit.”

Before he could open his mouth to reply, Doug entered the room. It was like he was saved by the bell. “Hey man,” he greeted him. 

“Siraj, it's nice to see you again.”

“Doug, would you preheat the oven please,” Priyanka asked. Her attention went back to her brother. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Uh yeah! Sure! Hey you know what, since I’m here and you two both have the night off, why don't you go out? I can watch Kahaani.” 

With that everything fell into place. That he really was only there to spend time with her daughter. “Listen Siraj, I appreciate the offer but-”

“That sounds like a great idea!” Her husband interupted.

“Doug I really don't think-”

“Oh come on Pri. We haven't been out in ages. Your brother is offering, and it's not like he doesn't know what he's doing. He watches Nadir’s kids all the time.”

“Yeah! Also there’s two of them,” her brother jumped in. “Come on, just give me a chance…”

Priyanka still wasn't sure how she ended up agreeing to it. It was probably the dumbest idea she’d made in a while. “Alright, on this list there’s my number, Doug’s number, the place where we’re at it’s address and phone number. The number for a few neighbors, the hospital, and-”

“Priyanka, I've got it. You can calm down.”

“I know Siraj, I just want to be sure. Do you know how to administer cpr for a-”

“Just let him be,” her husband interrupted. “Everything's going to be fine. Now, why don't you go change, and we can go.”

She reluctantly exited and headed back to the bedroom. She stared at her closet and couldn't help but sigh. She truly had no idea what to wear. It had been so long since they went out on a true date. She wasn't quite sure what was appropriate to wear for a night out. Not to mention still being a new mother too.

Weren't mothers supposed to dress more modest? Not to mention the fact that she felt like there was so much she couldn't wear anymore. She felt like she still had baby weight to lose, stretch marks in weird places she didn't want seen. However because it was a date she still wanted to dress up and look nice. After all isn't that why she was told to change? Or perhaps being told to change was just because she was now noticing a decent size coffee stain on her shirt. Priyanka just wasn't quite sure anymore. All she did know was that she couldn't help but feel queasy with the whole night. She hadn't left Kahaani alone with anyone that wasn't her, her husband, or her mother yet.

She worked on pushing all of her bad thoughts from her mind right now and focusing on the good ones. Like the idea that she would be able to have a nice dinner with Doug finally. Priyanka sifted through the closet and ended up just grabbing a simple plain black dress. She still wasn't sure she was sold on it all but she didn't care anymore. The sooner that they got out, the sooner they could eat, then come back home. She spent about five minutes doing putting on makeup, and spent a good chunk of that time debating if she would pluck her eyebrows. Her eventual verdict decided against it. It would take too much time, Doug would just have to deal with her bushy eyebrows for the night.

Just then there was a knock on the door, "Are you ready?" Priyanka opened the door where her husband waited for her, holding Kahaani. "You look nice," he commented with a wide smile. 

"Thank you," she said blushing slightly. "You don't look too bad yourself." 

"Heh, well thank you, however I gotta go change now. Someone used me as a tissue. I'll only be a moment," he held out their child for her to take. As soon as Priyanka took Kahaani she noticed where the one year old left her mark on his shoulder. Priyanka grabbed a Kleenex and wiped off Kahaani's nose for her. 

"Now, you're sure you can handle this, Siraj?" She asked turning to her brother who sat on the couch. 

"Yeah of course! I don't understand why you don't trust me to do this."

"It's not that I don't trust you... It's just. I don't trust anyone," she took a seat next to him and placed Kahaani on her lap. "No, that sounds bad too. It's hard to explain. I just worry that I might miss something, or just the fact that I'm not with her, I guess. It feels weird taking time out for myself when she's here." Priyanka looked down at the one year old and stroked her hair lightly. 

"You know, I think I liked the idea that you don't trust me better. That I could at least prove you wrong at." 

Priyanka smiled at him then the bedroom door opened again. "We all set to go?" Doug asked. 

"I believe so," Priyanka stood up, her brother following suit. "You remember everything I told you?" He nodded at her, and she gave a sigh of relief, "Good. Don't hesitate to call. We'll try and make it home in time for bed time but if not please put her to bed at 8. No swearing. And if Kahaani swears, you don't react, at all. Got it?"

"Yes! I told you that you don't have to worry about it! I will have everything under control."

"You better," she shifted and handed Kahaani over to her brother. An icy sensation shot through her as she did so, but she tried to ignore it. For a moment she wasn't sure if her stomach was even there anymore either. She leaned in and kissed her daughter's head. "Ammi loves you." And then they were off. The one year old wasn't quite sure what was happening until she saw both her parents at the door waving goodbye, without her. That's when the water works started. 

At the first wail, Priyanka took a step forward towards her daughter but was held back the rest of the way by her husband. "Just let her cry. It'll stop. She'll be just fine." Reluctantly she stepped back, then out the door all together. The door shut and Kahaani's cries could still be heard. 

"I don't feel good. Leaving like this. I really don't. She's crying and-"

"We can just wait here. Five minutes at most. If she hasn't stopped by then we can go in." 

Priyanka nodded her head and looked down at her watch. 30 seconds passed and the crying stopped. "That was it?" She stared back at Doug. "That was like hardly a minute, does she not miss us? I-I don't-"

"Leave it. Forget about it. She's stopped crying that's what counts right? Now we can go enjoy dinner." He took her hand and they walked to the car. 

"I-I still don't like this," she said as they reached the vehicle. "It feels wrong. I feel sick."

"Do you want me to drive?"

She quickly shook her head, "No, I'll be fine." She took the keys from her purse, trying to ignore the fact her hand was shaking. Priyanka shook her head, and set the keys on the top of the car, "I can't breathe," she muttered. She shut her eyes tightly, feeling the space around her enclose. 

She felt a hand on her back, "I'm here for you. You're going to be okay. Just focus on deep breaths okay? I'm going to get you some water okay?" He took the keys from her and opened the car door. There was a water bottle in one of the cup holders, he wasn't quite sure how long it had been there but there but it would do. He opened the bottle and handed it to her. 

She took a drink and focused on her breathing. It took a few minutes but she was able to calm down for the most part. "Mind if I keep this?" 

"What's mine, is yours," he said with a smile. "Are you doing better? Is there something I can get you?"

"I'm fine... I guess. Sorry, I don't know what happened. I'm better now though thank you."

"Anxiety attack, probably. Are you sure you'll be okay? We don't have to go to dinner if you don't want."

She shook her head. "No, we can go. I'm dressed. I'm at the car. I need to do this. You can drive however." He nodded and started the car. Priyanka headed over and got in the passenger side, taking another sip of water. "I feel like a fool for getting so anxious about this. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid. It's normal. We haven't really left Kahaani alone with anyone yet. It's normal to get anxious about it. And you're not a fool. This happens. People get anxiety attacks," he reversed out of the parking spot. "And people, with anxiety, are not fools."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" she took another deep breath, "Thank you. Thank you for helping me out," Priyanka grabbed her husband's hand and smiled. 

"What goes around comes around, right? You helped me through, numerous anxiety attack, I'll help you through whatever ones may come."

"That works for me," Priyanka smiled and took another drink of her water. She pulled down the visor and opened the mirror checking to make sure none of her make up got smudged. "I should've plucked my eyebrows," she said with a slight sigh. 

"Why? What's wrong?"

"It's been so long since they've been threaded. They've just gotten so much bigger, and totally see the beginnings of the unibrow reappearing."

"I dunno I kind of like them the way they are. Besides who cares if there's some slight unibrow or whatever. Simran had one."

"That's- It's different. I'm not Kajol, alright? I can't pull it off."

"Eh, I bet you could pull anything off. You're just that pretty." 

Priyanka smiled and rolled her eyes, "Just keep focused on the road." Five more minutes of driving and two stuck at a light they made it to the restaurant. Before sitting down she informed the hostess of a possible call coming. Not that she was expecting one, but if one came, to get her as fast as possible. 

There was a decent amount of silence as they looked over the menus then the doctor spoke up again. "I wonder how Kahaani is doing... I should probably call and ask."

"I'm sure things are going just fine. Siraj will call if he needs something, you don't need to call. We did have lives before her you know?”

“Yeah, I know, but. It’s our life now. She’s always going to be there, apart of our lives. Besides wasn’t it you who always talked about how good it was to move on and not stay in the past? We can still do things but you can’t just ignore her for a night. That’s not how this works.”

“I suppose you’re right,” he pushed up his glasses, “I guess I was just too excited about spending the night with you alone for the first time in awhile.”

Priyanka smiled, “Alright. Tonight it’s just us.” The dinner went nicely. It didn’t take long for conversation to start and for her to quickly forget all of the worries that plagued her before. She forgot how good it was to actually just take time out for herself or just to spend time with Doug. 

“Well did you have a nice night?” He asked on the way back to the car. 

“I did. I’m glad that you were able to convince me, through every little hesitation I had. But, I’m excited to get home too… I miss Kahaani.”

“Well, I’m sure she misses you too,” he said and opened the car door for her. “We should look for a sitter. Someone who’s not family, then we could go out more.”

Priyanka smiled, “I might be open to that idea… I’d much rather get home and make sure everything went smoothly first.”

“Fair enough.” The ride home was decently silent. Priyanka stifled yawns, but it was a matter of minutes before they were back home. “Thank you, for doing this tonight. I know it was hard to leave Kahaani for that long, but it was a good night,” he mentioned as they walked up the stairs. 

She leaned in and gave him a kiss, “Sorry for putting up a fuss.” The apartment door came into view. “Well, time to assess the damage.” Opening the door, the apartment was quiet. She couldn’t see her brother or Kahaani anywhere. “Hello?” She called out. 

The door to the nursery opened and Siraj stuck his head out, “Back so soon?”

“It’s been at least two hours. What’re you doing in there?”

“Just, getting the pjs on, that’s all. She doesn’t seem very tired.”

Priyanka smiled and headed into the room. The one year old sat on the changing table, onesie half way up her torso, playing with the stuffed falcon she had got from her uncle earlier that day. Doug entered the room moments later, and Kahaani who didn’t even notice her mother come in, lit up and smiled as her father entered. “Well, thank you for watching her.” Priyanka turned to her brother. “Things went okay then?”

“Yeah, of course they did. Just like I told you. I turned on ESPN on the background and just kinda let her play and do her own thing. It was good.”

“I see,” She finished dressing Kahaani and picked her up, “Are you heading back tonight? Or do you need a couch for the night?”

“You know I think I’m good to head back tonight. I kinda took a spontaneous day off today, and need to be back for tomorrow.”

“I thought you said you were in town because of work?” She asked grinning.

“Eh, yeah, I may have lied to come see Kahaani.”

Priyanka nodded, “That’s what I thought… You get out of here. I don’t want anything to happen to you and your job because of me. It was nice seeing you again.” She turned to Kahaani, “Alright. Uncle Siraj is going now, can you say bye-bye?” She gave a wave for her to copy. Kahaani wasn’t very interested however. She had trouble keeping her eyes open and seemed more interested in sticking her fingers in her mother’s mouth. 

Giving up on getting Kahaani to say goodbye, she handed the child to her husband so she could hug her own brother goodbye. Goodbyes exchanged, Siraj left the apartment not too long later. “I was kinda worried he’d need to stay the night, to be honest.” Doug said after they locked the door for the night. 

“What? Why?”

“Well, just. It would be hard, to like, fool around if he was here.”

“Ah, I see,” she said giving him a smile. “Let’s get the little one to bed and we can figure all that out then,” she said and looked over at Kahaani. For being wide awake five minutes ago, she seemed to be falling asleep comfortably against her father’s shoulder now. It turned out to be a pretty good night after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the majority of this in one day and by the time they finally sat down to dinner I truly just wanted to post it and move on lmao so yeah it probably goes a little downhill from there. But. Anyway I hope u enjoyed !!! I love reading reviews!!!! If you got questions or whatever honestly just hit me up!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew it's been awhile... this was.. not the next chapter i was expecting to get out. this wasn't even a chapter i was planning on writing. it just came out. i figured something was better than nothing for an update however. sorry i haven't been updating. school is crazyyy. im almost done though! so hopefully i can write more! and doug out is gonna happen i think and im excited and that should totally help with me wanting to write more!

At 18 months, Kahaani was much more active. She was walking and running and just starting to communicate more. The now toddler wandered around the small living room area, going from one toy to another. She didn't need as much help anymore, she was starting to do things on her own. That didn't stop her parents however from continuing to watch over her every single move. 

Priyanka was leaned up against the breakfast counter, watching her daughter waddle back and forth. Her husband was leaned over the counter watching with intent as well. Kahaani grabbed one of her toys and headed over to her mother, and placed it in her hands. “For me?” Kahaani nodded. “Why thank you,” Priyanka smiled at her. 

The toddler, continued to roam around picking up her toys then dropping them off in a centralized location, occasionally handing some to Priyanka as well. She wasn't going to complain. It was going to make the picking up process a lot easier. 

“She’s gotten so big,” Priyanka commented mindlessly. 

“Yeah, not that I don't mind her at this size now, I do miss when she was smaller.” Priyanka smiled at her husband. Then she let the silence fill the air. 

She looked back over at Kahaani and sighed slightly. “Durja, do you want more kids?” She asked quietly, not making eye contact. 

The question caught Doug off guard that was for sure. “I’ve never really thought of it,” that was a lie of course. He had thought about it. A lot, they just never really formally talked about having kids. They tried once way back when but that was way too early. They just sort of were on the same page when trying to conceive Kahaani. Even without talking about it out right. He did want a big family. At least, bigger than his had been. While Doug had a brother and for the most part they got along, they didn't always see eye to eye. Dev had more friends than him. Sometimes it felt lonely. He wouldn't want Kahaani to feel lonely. Of course she would never be alone, she’d always have her parents. But Doug knew how important I would be to have someone else her age that Kahaani could confide. “Why? Do you want more kids?”

“Well- I asked you first,” she shot back.

“Priyanka this is a serious conversation. It’s a two sided conversation. I can’t just make a decision.”

The doctor sighed slightly, “I know that, I just, wanted your thoughts first. I’m taking this seriously, Doug.” She couldn’t help but feel agitated that he didn’t think she wasn’t taking this seriously. Maybe she shouldn’t have acted so harsh and childish when he asked her, but she didn’t want to answer just yet.

Doug looked back to Kahaani for a moment, “Well. I-I fear it would be hard to accomplish again, I’m not sure I could go through all of that again. But I would,” he admitted. 

His wife turned to look at him, “You know, it actually wouldn’t be that hard. Probably at least. I mean, there’s a reason you're advised to go on the pill after having a child. I’ve heard other women describe it like, after treatments, your body just knows what to do.”

“So then, do you want more kids?”

Priyanka looked away again, silent for a while as she thought. She was pulled from her thoughts however, feeling something at her legs. It was Kahaani. “Up! Up!” Her daughter repeated. The mother pulled her up and set her on her hip. 

“I suppose, one day, yes. But just not now. Maybe in another year.” She pulled a kleenex from the counter and wiped off Kahaani’s nose. Her daughter rested her head on her mother’s shoulder giving a small yawn. “I don’t know.”

“Well no one’s saying that it has to be now. We have all the time in the world.”

Priyanka laughed, “I mean, not really. I’m not going to be able to have kids at one point because of menopause and what not. I just, don’t want to think about it anymore, Doug.”

“You’re the one who brought it up, Priyanka!” He stuttered. “If not now, then when? We’ve already had one child, yet we’ve hardly had a serious conversation about children yet. We just barely touch on the subject, but at some point it needs to be talked about.”

“Doug, I hardly know what my plans are for tomorrow besides work, I can’t think that far down the road right now.”

“It’s not that far down the road, Priyanka. The next few years are not that far off. I just want to have a serious conversation about this for once.”

“Well… I’m serious when I say that I don’t know what I want right now.”

There was silence. Kahaani gave out a small cough. “I’m sorry, jaanu. I didn’t mean to get upset. I just, feel frustrated, that’s all.”

Priyanka ignored his statement. “Kahaani’s starting to doze off, I’m going to get her ready for bed.” 

Doug couldn’t help but roll his eyes as she walked away and crosse his arms. He really loved Priyanka, but she could be so stubborn sometimes. She liked to act like an adult and that she was responsible, but could easily shrink away at important things. He wasn’t going to let them go to bed angry about this. There shouldn’t be so much tension about this. 

He shut off the lights in the kitchen and walked back to the bedroom. He sat on the side of the bed, starting to take his socks off when he heard Kahaani start to cry. A few minutes later Priyanka returned, looking exhausted. “She wants you. Go take care of your daughter.” Doug sighed and headed over to the nursery. 

The sight of him seemed to calm Kahaani down considerably. It wasn’t too difficult to get her to sleep that night. He sang her a lullaby and she was out pretty fast. It however was just enough time for him to get back to Priyanka being in bed already. He went through his bedtime routine pretty fast, skipping a few steps, but he got back to the bed sooner. “I’m sorry,” he apologized sitting on the bed. “I didn’t mean to be so hard.”

Priyanka turned to look at him. “It’s alright. I just- I don’t know what I want right now.”

“Which seems utterly insane to me,” he said with a smile laying down on the bed to look at her. “You always seem to know what you want. Is something going on?”

“It’s just scary to think about Doug,” she admitted. “Yes it’s supposed to be easier, but the initial road was so rocky. It’s scary to think of going down it again and having something that will go wrong.”

Doug frowned slightly, she had a point. He really shouldn’t say anything on her feelings. She was the one who carried their child after all, he was just there on the sidelines. “It wouldn’t be as bad that time, like you said. You wouldn’t be going down alone, I’d be there too.” 

“I know… I feel like I can get over that fear much easier than the other.” 

“The other?”

“We had Kahaani, and the first emotion I felt was joy, but there was always too much sadness lingering afterwards. It was awful. I feel sick to my stomach thinking that there was even a time when I was upset to have Kahaani here. It felt all wrong to hold her at times. I felt like I didn’t belong in my own home. I wasn’t good enough to be there. I don’t ever want to feel anything like that again. I do want another kid. Down the road, that would be just fine with me. But like, another four or five years even. The fear that I’m not going to be there for another baby right away is frightening.”

Doug grabbed her hand and kissed her forehead. “I’m glad you’re being honest with me. I’m- I’m so sorry that you had to struggle with that. I wish I could take all that away from you. There really is no rush, Pri. You might think you’re running out of time but you’re not. You’re 33, you have time.”

“I know- I know. I just still get anxiety about it.”

“I understand. I’ll drop it now, alright. I just, it’s important to talk about it.” Priyanka nodded her head in agreement, closing her eyes for the night. Doug got up out of bed and turned the lights out. When he settled back down into bed, her felt his wife’s arms wrap around him. “I love you.”

“I love you too…”


End file.
